david and goliath...well, kind of...

it is that ear-peircing scream that, as a mom, you drop whatever you have and run to the origin of the sound. and it wasn't just one child's scream, it was both. there was no time to even ponder what might have happened, but to just feel the fear of what may lie ahead. as i turned the corner of the hallway, there they were....no, not a pool of blood, not bones popping out...it was...a lizard. the kids' faces were white and they were huddled in the corner of the toy room as if king kong just came crashing in. geesh. relief overcame me until i soon realized, "who the heck is gonna get this lizard out?" ah ha! troy would be home in less than an hour. problem solved. one hour later...our hero enters the home. he is bombared by the kids and with no time to waste, he was ready for attack. (actually, this description of goliath, in 1 samuel 17, is quite paralleling: a champion named goliath, who was from gath, came out of the philistine camp. his height was six cubits and a span. he had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. his spear shaft was like a weaver’s rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels.) there he went, down the hallway of doom and we all followed. down with one heave, the shovel pierced the lizard's tail. his body tumbled over and there he lie. tailess, belly up and to all appearances...dead. what a mighty warrior! that is....until we all looked down and the lizard was no where to be found. ugh.

although it is a funny story that we are still laughing about, that lizard made me think. wow...that smart little thing. he let "goliath" chop his tail off, didn't flinch, immediately went into "play dead" mode and the moment we took our eye off that little critter, he made his escape. so...i named him "david"...how fitting. and david taught me a little something that day. we may think we are at the end of the rope...no hope left. everything seems downhill from here and so...we give up. i have been feeling that way lately. many things in my life are tetering and i just want some answers. i do feel i have been patient, but my patience is about to run out. i am sick of being patient. then....david came into my life. wow, that little guy...i want to be more like him. he waited to act just at the right moment. i have to be reminded that is how god works, too. he will give us our answers "just a the right moment". JUST when we need it. that is why david was a man (or lizard...hee hee) after god's own heart.

i want to be more like david. however, i am not excited at the thought that david (the lizard) is still roaming our toyroom, minus a tail, of course. and i can tell you, goliath isn't that found of this defeat, either. long live david!

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

"the fountain"

i had been waiting my whole parenthood life for the day to come when i could sign up to volunteer at my child's school. this was my year. my daughter started kindergarten and i was officially part of the "fraternity of school-aged kids".

my first big "gig" arrived, when the letter came home to sign up for the school book fair. i signed the paper and checked off every time i was available and made sure it was okay that i brought my 3 year old son. days later, email confirmation arrived. i was ready!

4 days later, i packed up my son and off we went. i proudly displayed my permanent volunteer bdage (that took a week to get, might i add!) and opened the door to the front office, made my way over to the sign in table, waived my "badge" (with a shry little smile) and took a seat until it was time.

while waiting, my son noticed the drinking fountain. his eyes lit up and he looked at me and asked for a drink. i nodded and he bounced over that direction. i smiled. much to his dismay, he was not quite tall enough to reach. he could press the button and watch the stream of water arch across the basin, but he was just too short to reach for a sip. he looked at me... you know, with those eyes that simply said, "help, please?" without hesitation, i leap up to help. as i lifted him up, just a few inches, he was able to reach the water. but just as he went to get a drink, the water was gone. he looked perplexed and i pointed at the button. quietly i whispered, "you have to hold the button down while you get a drink...at the same time. try again." so he did. he fumbled a bit, but after a couple attempts, he did it. it was just a sip, but his chest puffed up as he walked off with that look on his face that said, "i conquered THE FOUNTAIN."

ya know, i love how as a parent, i can see first hand the same love and support that god has for us. when we are facing something difficult and uncertain as to how to move forward, god is there to lift us up and whisper quietly in our ear the exact words we need to hear. and i love that when he lifts us, he is always underneath, supporting us in case we fall again. and if we do, he just encourages us to keep going. and i am certain, that when we come through and become a "conqueror", that god smiles down and is proud that we did.

that day, my son was on cloud nine that he got a drink from "the fountain". and i was on cloud nine because i got to watch him be successful and be the support he needed just when he needed it. not to mention, i logged 8 hours of volunteer time, bought way to many books (but hey, it went to a great cause!) and am now checking my daughter's backpack everyday for the next opportunity to wear my badge. the joys of parenthood...

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

Due Date!

our first major event is less than a week away! it's starting to feel like that last week before a baby is due. i am SO excited for it to be here, to see what it will look like, and to experience it in its fullest. on the other hand, i'm SO ready for the 'pregnancy' to be over! i feel like there is something i'm forgetting, there is a lot to do before it gets here, and 'what have i gotten myself into?!?!'

when i was pregnant with my twins (my first pregnancy), i read books to see about their development, bought all sorts of baby stuff (x2), and did all the things i knew of to take care of myself during the pregnancy. about a week before i was due to deliver, i flew into a panic realizing i'd done all this stuff, but had no clue on what to do after they arrived! i didn't read any of the new baby books that told me what happened when they came out. i still remember that feeling of, 'what? they're letting me take these two babies home?' and a few hours later, 'i'm at home with two babies. what are we supposed to do with them now?'

well, i haven't run into any books that tell me what to do in this situation with a retreat full of women staring me down. i do know that God has been in this every step of the way, and He has the weekend planned out. i may not know what it will look like or what will happen, but i do know that God has 'shown up' in the planning in ways i never could've imagined. i'm confident that He will do that and more in the actual retreat next weekend.

Here is my prayer specifically for the women who are participating in the retreat next weekend (from Ephesians 3):

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Jen Chang

loveSTRONG ministries

Communications Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

The Process is the Point

i'm not sure if it was mentioned before, but a couple of us are reading "sun stand still" by steven furtick. i'm not even sure of how to summarize the premise of the book, but to say that it's about praying your faith into action. one of the subtitles in chapter 18 is 'the process is the point.' here is the opening paragraph of that:

"Too many people forget the promise and forfeit the payoff because they
faint in the process. It's human nature to want to skip straight from the
promise to the payoff. Who doesn't want to get right to the good
stuff? But the process is invaluable. The process is a time of
strengthening. The process is the place where you lay down your pride and
learn to rely totally on God. Most importantly, the process is the way we
grow to know God. And that's really the whole point."

wow!!! i don't think that i need to write anything more. but i will. i think that lisa, cory, jeni and i can all attest to this as a truth. we have learned so much about God, about our own faith, and about how important the process is. we aren't there yet - by any means! we haven't even made it to retreat, let alone through it and onto the next phase. we don't really even know what that means. we do know that we can't go back. we have been called to something greater than any of us could do on our own.

i'm yet again amazed at what God has taught me through the process. honestly, i haven't even really thought about what's going to happen at retreat on a personal level for myself or those attending. i'm not sure if it makes sense, but it feels like the retreat is just a small byproduct of the process. i have the feeling that it's going to be way more than that, though! thank you, God for your faithfulness to us and for doing more than we can ask or imagine!

Jen Chang

loveSTRONG ministries

Communications Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

Sweet Rubber Bands

no, i'm not talking about yummy smelling or edible silly bandz (but wouldn't that be cool?!). i'm actually talking about faith and trust.

the past couple of weeks have been especially challenging for me in those two areas. in starting a ministry like loveSTRONG where God is obviously working in women's lives, it is as if i have a bullseye on my back for trouble. yep, even more trouble than usual. the bible says to not let the devil get a foothold. that verse in ephesians 4 is actually talking about anger, but i think that the devil will get a foothold in your life in any area and then capitalize on it. he certainly has tried in my life! the more i focus on the negative, the less i'm focusing on Jesus, and that is a small victory for the devil.

all that to say, i feel like i allowed the devil that foothold, and then he took it and ran with it! thankfully, God brought me up out of the proverbial pit and made me realize what was happening and that i let my attitude be changed, which in turn changed my perspective about everything around me. as i was thanking Him for what He'd done and re-focusing my life, i felt like it was one more case of my faith being stretched. i have told a couple of people that i feel like God is stretching my faith like a rubber band...and it's almost to its breaking point.

loveSTRONG has definitely been a huge faith-stretcher. at the same time as starting this ministry, my family and i are searching for a new church home. talk about another faith stretcher! that rubber band that i didn't think could stretch any more was only half-stretched. then, to top it off, we're looking at a church where we'd be part of a church plant. my response: "seriously, God?! you want that bullseye on my back to be even bigger and my faith to stretch even farther?! i don't know if that's even possible!!!"

well, that's where the sweet part comes in. a couple of old hymns have been running through my head recently. the first one that wouldn't leave my head is be thou my vision. i need to be reminded daily (or more) that my focus and vision is not wrapped up in loveSTRONG, my kids, my husband, or just getting by. my focus is God. He is the filter through which i need to see everything. if that is true, then the other things will fall into place.

the second song is tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. the last line of the chorus is 'o for grace to trust Him more!' it hit me this morning - His grace is sufficient. that is where i will get the strength when my faith is stretched even farther than what it already is. it was a simple song, single line, and even simpler truth. God has enough grace for me, and has given me every reason to trust Him. i may not feel like my faith can take a millimeter more of stretching, but with His grace I will survive, and maybe even thrive!

from now on, when i feel like God is asking me to trust Him and trying to grow my faith, i will think of that sweet rubber band that may feel stretched, but is actually being strengthened by Him. the incredible thing is that the rubber band of my faith doesn't snap or even bounce back to what it was. it's more like a faith 'muscle' that grows stronger with pressure and exercise, and my character will grow as a result.

Jen Chang

loveSTRONG ministries

Communications Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

take that you little red-horned guy

i am sitting here watching my son relish in the fact that he finally figured out how to really play his leapster....not just turn it on and off and think he was playing, but actually comprehend the idea that the leapster does far more than just light up and go off. he's growing up. and my daughter, well, she started kindergarten this year and came home to tell me “sally said she is not my bff today, so I told her that susie was going to be my bff, but then sara needed a bff and so we said she could be our bff, but then sally got mad because she thought sara was her bff, so now we are all bffs” really!? bottom line...she's growing up.

then i look at my husband and myself and decide it's okay to be in denial that we are growing up... hee hee! :)

life changes so fast that often i find myself saying, "what the heck has happened?" and when it's not just one thing that has changed, but many things that change, i find myself saying, "what do i do now?" my mind does tell me, "god knows what he is doing...he has a plan that is far greater than what i could imagine." and it's true, i know it, i have experienced it and i should never doubt it. so why do i? i almost laugh inside my head because i hear that token angel/devil on each side of my brain. that darn little red-horned guy. but he only gets in the way because i let him. and the more i listen to what he says, the more doubt begins to take over. so i have to make a conscious effort to shift my eyes back to that angel....duh!  and wo...that angel had a lot to show me! (I even made a list...and the angel’s side won!) bottom line...rather than focus on the POTENTIAL negatives, focus on the REAL positives.

so here’s to playing leapsters, girl drama, gray hair, flabby skin and whatever comes next...take that you little red-horned guy!

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

if you build it, they will come.

so when you've never started a women's ministry before, naturally, you would know that you wouldn't have all the answers. this can be a scary place, a fearful endeavor and something that may seem quite impossible.... unless of course, god is in the driver's seat.

often, i have felt "over the moon" about all the incredible things happening. you see, i am lucky, i get to see lots of "effects" being in this perspective. and let me tell you...it NEVER gets old. i could spend my days listening and sharing all the ways that god changes us for the better. and for these reasons, i am encouraged.

however, let's be honest...there are other days where i feel inadequate. i feel tired. i feel overwhelmed. i don't have all the answers and it's tough. and then when i think we do have the right answers, sometimes they backfire. lately, i have found myself questioning various decisions that we have already made because i haven't seen the evidence NOW that we made the right decisions and i was getting scared. then, in the midst of these thoughts, (actually, i was doing that 5th load of laundry and going back and forth from room to room dispursing the proper piles) i heard it. ya know, that "voice" that people say they hear. well, i am not sure if this is how others' say they hear it, but this is how i heard it: in the form of a TNT movie marathon from the movie, "field of dreams". while walking back and forth, i heard, "if you build it, they will come." you've heard that, right?! yeah, but at this very moment, when iwas feeling weary, those are the perfect words that i needed to hear. they resonated with me. stuck right in my mind. and for the next few days i found myself visualizing that stream of car headlights as they pulled into UCYC....just tons of them....never ending....(then i got scared again...hee hee)

you see, i have never had the role like the one i have now...being a part of a team of coordinators putting together events and making decisions they will effect others and having NO idea on "how" most of the time (not part of the make-up of an OCD mind, just fyi....ha!) but what has been clear from day one, is that god prompted this endeavor. there are no doubts in that ONE bit.

do you ever feel that way? not sure why you are doing what you are doing, but you know it's right and therefore you move forward? and even when you move forward AND feel defeated AND it gets hard AND sometimes it would be easier to call it quits?but you KEEP going because you KNOW it's right. it's called ABUNDANT faith (i can thank my dear sister-in-law, heather, for her "perfect timing" call today as she shared those words with me). do we have ABUNDANT faith willing to let go of our own insecurities and allow god to be god? i know i don't always, but that's only because that is god again, letting me know how much i need him.

so today, i take heart in knowing that god has this. lovestrong was bourne out of complete surrender to love for women and to help draw them to know our god who is love. so.... i am looking forward to being at UCYC on november 4th and looking out for that stream of cars that will flood the town of prescott, az and when it's all said and done, can look back and say to myself and to god, "WE built it and they came."

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

thanks, mr. tailgater!

so i was driving to the hospital last night to see my little angel, baby ryan. in case you don't know, ryan is one of my best friend's baby who was born with a chromosome 2 disorder 2 weeks ago. she has beaten all the odds and by god's grace is now breathing on her own....even the doctors were celebrating! i could talk about ryan all day long on the lessons she has already taught me, but i want to go back to "my drive". the hospital is not that close, a good 45 minute drive and it's a highway drive for a good chunk (az highways are NOT my specialty...and my husband would even say that "driving" is not my specialty!) needless to say, i was so excited to get there and the drive was sooooooooooo long! so...i put the radio on and set the cruise and decided that "love is patient", so would enjoy the "quiet time" of the drive. just as i was settling into my "quiet time", low and behold, a large black escalade with limo-tinted windows pulls up behind me. it was a younger man with a blue shirt with a small eagle logo on the front. why do i know this small detail? because he was THAT close! now, it's important to share here that i was actually doing 5 OVER the limit....not as slow as i have been before (safety first!), so i felt myself starting to get annoyed at he clearly entered my car's "personal space". who does he think he is? i am going OVER the speed limit AND he had plenty of room to pass! my "annoyed" self thought, "oh i'll show him, i'll just slow down!" and then i thought, "what if he was like one of those guys on dateline that follows girls and grabs them." it was this mental battle with what i should do and the only thing that was keeping me from slowing down was fear for the alternative. and then it hit me...."no....i WAS going at a reasonable speed and he did have the option to pass. i am just going to mind my own business, continue to enjoy my "quiet time" and disregard the large black over-powering shadow that was looming quite largely in my rear view mirror. and that's just what i did. after a good 4 miles, he finally passed and didn't even give me a dirty look (shocker!). but here's what it made me think about.....why is our natural reaction to get annoyed and angry and assume the worst in others when we feel like we are done wrong? then we go on to justify our actions by our reactions and that usually means doing something "not nice" back (like...how i was gonna slow down..and show him!). the truth was, i don't even think he was annoyed at me. he choose to stay behind me and didn't offer any unpleasant jestures when he did pass. maybe he had a bad day, maybe he didn't, maybe he was just spaced out, maybe that's how he drives. it doesn't matter. what matters is that "love is patience, love is kind". i hate that that was NOT my first reaction. that escalade driver did nothing to me, yet i went from peaceful and relaxed to angry and annoyed in 1.2 seconds....who lost out here? him or me? me. but next time....it won't be me!! thanks, mr. tailgater, for reminding me of how i can "be love" better. and for the record....ryan is doing incredible and her parents are even more of a testimony to god's power and love....another story for another time.

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

be love...it's truly a gift.

i just wanted to sit and down share with those of you who have followed our journey the gift you have each given me. i have known many of you for quite some time and there are others who i have not met face to face. but however i know you is not so much what i want to focus on....it's the love i have for each of you as we all explore god together. god is love...that's what the entire bible is about. everything in it points right back to that simple statement. and if god is love, and we are made in his image, then we are to "be love"....right? it sounds so simple, but why is it we all struggle? it is because the opposite of love is SELF? and when we are focused on self, we are not focused on "being love". next time you have a negative thought towards something or someone, ask yourself, "am i being selfish in any way?" and be honest with yourself because i would bet that somewhere in between your "justified feelings" there is a tinge of selfishness looming. and the key to "loving" is first acknowledging where you can "be love" better. it's a journey to get there, and by no means am i stating that i am THERE, but i do know that as i draw closer to god and really get to know him, he fills me with love. the more i go to him, the more love he fills me with it. the more he fills me with, the easier is flows. and in this journey, i have gone to him more than ever. and therefore, he has filled me with a tremendous love for each of you. i want the best for each of you. i want you to have a relationship that fills you with love.....and from what i know, many of you do. it's that love that we all share with everyone in which others will see god IN you. you don't have to say a word about god to anyone, because others will SEE him in you if you "be love". it's hard, it's not what may come natural, but it works....it really works. the only reason i know is because of that gift i mentioned earlier that you all have given me...the power to love. i dare you to try it out as much as possible~ :)

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

community

wow! i am continually amazed at how God teaches me lessons. today it was a lesson on community and relationship. this morning we had our first official worship team meeting, which was incredible. there were so many things racing through my mind as i drove up to my friend's home. i was overwhelmed with things, and my emotions were all over the place, and definitely not in the right place to be participating in this meeting. God knew what i needed, and provided the distraction of getting lost on the way there. as crazy as it sounds, it was like a re-set for my brain and emotions, and helped me focus.

the administrative part of the meeting was fine. what i really got out of it was the joy of praising God with my sisters. as we listened to songs the four of us just couldn't help but singing along and singing out to God. it was a sweet sound to me, and i reveled in the moment.

after we finished with the 'official' part of the meeting, we just talked a little about where we are in our lives. each woman brought a new perspective, pearl of wisdom, or insight to the conversation. i felt so encouraged, and know God used the three other women in that room to show me His love.

God created us for community, to worship together, do life together, and love together. though our relationships with Him are individual, there is something special and indescribable about bringing them together in community and fellowship.

Jen Chang

loveSTRONG ministries

Communications Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

questions and confirmations

as my first official post, i wasn't exactly sure of what to write about. jeni has done a great job summing up things and really getting to the heart of it. (thanks!!)

throughout this process i've had tons of questions. most of them come from my pragmatic side. i think, 'how is this going to happen? are women really going to be on board? are we crazy? can god really use someone like me? what are we thinking? is this really happening??' the past couple of months he has positively answered each of these questions for me.

the part that keeps amazing me is how much he cares for the details of it all. i tend to get caught up in the 'cosmic' god - he's up there and out there, but not necessarily caring about the details of my life. then he brings everything together, blesses us in the little and big things, and keeps on confirming through other women, provision, and his word that this is right where we're supposed to be.

the group of women that god has brought together to make this happen is just incredible! the women are just as excited about this as i am. there are people already stepping up to donate not only their time, but different items for the retreat. this week i was able to share our plans with a friend who is involved in the women's ministry in her church. she was so excited to hear about loveSTRONG ministries and the retreat, and again i saw god confirming what we are doing. just like god is not surprised when 'bad' things happen in our lives, he's also not surprised by the blessings.

one verse that has kept coming to mind lately is psalm 127:1 - "unless the lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. unless the lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain." (niv) the 'house' we're building has already been designed by god. i pray that we will continue to follow his blueprint.

i am so blessed to be surrounded by godly women encouraging, laughing, crying, and loving me through this. thanks, ladies!

Jen Chang

loveSTRONG ministries

Communications Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

prayer NON-warrior?

i am here trying to put some details together for the "god is love retreat" and i am marveling at the answered prayers he has given us so far.... why am i marveled everytime? i know how great our god is and i know how he has the ability to do whatever his heart desires, yet i am still marveled everytime. do you ever feel that way? then i just stop and see how our team has committed to prayer so clearly in this endeavor and i start to see with my own eyes the power of prayer and how his guidance in this endeavor is so clear. it's funny, jump back a few years ago..... i had known and heard of many "prayer warriors" and thought "wow...THEY are so spiritual! how does one become a PRAYER WARRIOR?" warrior is so fierce, so determined, so.... GRAND! and that clearly did not describe what i considered myself to be. yet, over the past few years, i had seen prayer work, even in my "prayer NON-warrior" like way. i simply started talking to god more....that was all. and i began to realize that with simple conversations, i began to see changes.....answers, really. like maybe what i use think were "coincidences", but since i had prayed, i knew (and felt) it was more. it was pretty cool at first. so, like anything else in life that's "pretty cool", what do you do?? yep, keep doing it! (like trying a caramel frappicino at starbucks) and that's what i did. now, here i sit, marveled at what god has done and is doing. i am having the pure joy of seeing god revealed everyday...in little things. but it's the little things where he knows i will know it's him. i never imagined i would not only understand prayer in a new way, but in turn, allow it to draw me close to him and be guided by his every move and live in a freedom that i never knew. for me, i may never consider myself a prayer warrior, or maybe i am....who knows (it does sure sound "pretty cool"). but what i do know is that prayer is the link between you and god. it will be what allows you to know him, surrender to him and be guided by him. it just starts with a simple conversation with him. :)

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

wow...

my first post here....and to be honest, it's mind-boggling that loveSTRONG is at the point to be "blogging" about. what an incredible journey god has brought me through in just a few short months. it's neat to see how difficult times of change can also open new doors (doors i never dreamed that would even be there TO open), but only from a result of complete focus and faith on god and his perfect plan. i am grateful for change...it ALWAYS brings about new momentum and it's how we choose to see god in it that will direct us towards his "next thing" for us. it's true, faith will never waiver. it certainly doens't exist to keep us content and "happy". it can be a tough "humanly" journey where we want answers, want clarity, want direction and get frustrated when it doesn't show up immediately. i am still learning that, and i have an inkling, i will have to constantly be learning that my whole life. but here's what is cool about it all..... we have all heard that saying "god doesn't give you more than you can handle". and although it does not say those words anywhere in the bible, we often use that to make us feel "stronger", like "come on, get over it and move on". however, i recently read craig groeschel's book, weird. craig said something regarding this that has stayed with me. the reason i believe, that god never said this is because it is not truth. i believe that god is always giving us more than he can handle....why? so we can become MORE dependent on HIM, seeking HIM in all we do and thus, following HIS will and to not "lean on our own understanding." i am grateful for this complete dependence because what it boils down to is the journey to complete faith. i love how god has used loveSTRONG's beginnings to teach me this invaluable lesson. let's be FAITH together, team....

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com