if you build it, they will come.

so when you've never started a women's ministry before, naturally, you would know that you wouldn't have all the answers. this can be a scary place, a fearful endeavor and something that may seem quite impossible.... unless of course, god is in the driver's seat.

often, i have felt "over the moon" about all the incredible things happening. you see, i am lucky, i get to see lots of "effects" being in this perspective. and let me tell you...it NEVER gets old. i could spend my days listening and sharing all the ways that god changes us for the better. and for these reasons, i am encouraged.

however, let's be honest...there are other days where i feel inadequate. i feel tired. i feel overwhelmed. i don't have all the answers and it's tough. and then when i think we do have the right answers, sometimes they backfire. lately, i have found myself questioning various decisions that we have already made because i haven't seen the evidence NOW that we made the right decisions and i was getting scared. then, in the midst of these thoughts, (actually, i was doing that 5th load of laundry and going back and forth from room to room dispursing the proper piles) i heard it. ya know, that "voice" that people say they hear. well, i am not sure if this is how others' say they hear it, but this is how i heard it: in the form of a TNT movie marathon from the movie, "field of dreams". while walking back and forth, i heard, "if you build it, they will come." you've heard that, right?! yeah, but at this very moment, when iwas feeling weary, those are the perfect words that i needed to hear. they resonated with me. stuck right in my mind. and for the next few days i found myself visualizing that stream of car headlights as they pulled into UCYC....just tons of them....never ending....(then i got scared again...hee hee)

you see, i have never had the role like the one i have now...being a part of a team of coordinators putting together events and making decisions they will effect others and having NO idea on "how" most of the time (not part of the make-up of an OCD mind, just fyi....ha!) but what has been clear from day one, is that god prompted this endeavor. there are no doubts in that ONE bit.

do you ever feel that way? not sure why you are doing what you are doing, but you know it's right and therefore you move forward? and even when you move forward AND feel defeated AND it gets hard AND sometimes it would be easier to call it quits?but you KEEP going because you KNOW it's right. it's called ABUNDANT faith (i can thank my dear sister-in-law, heather, for her "perfect timing" call today as she shared those words with me). do we have ABUNDANT faith willing to let go of our own insecurities and allow god to be god? i know i don't always, but that's only because that is god again, letting me know how much i need him.

so today, i take heart in knowing that god has this. lovestrong was bourne out of complete surrender to love for women and to help draw them to know our god who is love. so.... i am looking forward to being at UCYC on november 4th and looking out for that stream of cars that will flood the town of prescott, az and when it's all said and done, can look back and say to myself and to god, "WE built it and they came."

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

thanks, mr. tailgater!

so i was driving to the hospital last night to see my little angel, baby ryan. in case you don't know, ryan is one of my best friend's baby who was born with a chromosome 2 disorder 2 weeks ago. she has beaten all the odds and by god's grace is now breathing on her own....even the doctors were celebrating! i could talk about ryan all day long on the lessons she has already taught me, but i want to go back to "my drive". the hospital is not that close, a good 45 minute drive and it's a highway drive for a good chunk (az highways are NOT my specialty...and my husband would even say that "driving" is not my specialty!) needless to say, i was so excited to get there and the drive was sooooooooooo long! so...i put the radio on and set the cruise and decided that "love is patient", so would enjoy the "quiet time" of the drive. just as i was settling into my "quiet time", low and behold, a large black escalade with limo-tinted windows pulls up behind me. it was a younger man with a blue shirt with a small eagle logo on the front. why do i know this small detail? because he was THAT close! now, it's important to share here that i was actually doing 5 OVER the limit....not as slow as i have been before (safety first!), so i felt myself starting to get annoyed at he clearly entered my car's "personal space". who does he think he is? i am going OVER the speed limit AND he had plenty of room to pass! my "annoyed" self thought, "oh i'll show him, i'll just slow down!" and then i thought, "what if he was like one of those guys on dateline that follows girls and grabs them." it was this mental battle with what i should do and the only thing that was keeping me from slowing down was fear for the alternative. and then it hit me...."no....i WAS going at a reasonable speed and he did have the option to pass. i am just going to mind my own business, continue to enjoy my "quiet time" and disregard the large black over-powering shadow that was looming quite largely in my rear view mirror. and that's just what i did. after a good 4 miles, he finally passed and didn't even give me a dirty look (shocker!). but here's what it made me think about.....why is our natural reaction to get annoyed and angry and assume the worst in others when we feel like we are done wrong? then we go on to justify our actions by our reactions and that usually means doing something "not nice" back (like...how i was gonna slow down..and show him!). the truth was, i don't even think he was annoyed at me. he choose to stay behind me and didn't offer any unpleasant jestures when he did pass. maybe he had a bad day, maybe he didn't, maybe he was just spaced out, maybe that's how he drives. it doesn't matter. what matters is that "love is patience, love is kind". i hate that that was NOT my first reaction. that escalade driver did nothing to me, yet i went from peaceful and relaxed to angry and annoyed in 1.2 seconds....who lost out here? him or me? me. but next time....it won't be me!! thanks, mr. tailgater, for reminding me of how i can "be love" better. and for the record....ryan is doing incredible and her parents are even more of a testimony to god's power and love....another story for another time.

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com

be love...it's truly a gift.

i just wanted to sit and down share with those of you who have followed our journey the gift you have each given me. i have known many of you for quite some time and there are others who i have not met face to face. but however i know you is not so much what i want to focus on....it's the love i have for each of you as we all explore god together. god is love...that's what the entire bible is about. everything in it points right back to that simple statement. and if god is love, and we are made in his image, then we are to "be love"....right? it sounds so simple, but why is it we all struggle? it is because the opposite of love is SELF? and when we are focused on self, we are not focused on "being love". next time you have a negative thought towards something or someone, ask yourself, "am i being selfish in any way?" and be honest with yourself because i would bet that somewhere in between your "justified feelings" there is a tinge of selfishness looming. and the key to "loving" is first acknowledging where you can "be love" better. it's a journey to get there, and by no means am i stating that i am THERE, but i do know that as i draw closer to god and really get to know him, he fills me with love. the more i go to him, the more love he fills me with it. the more he fills me with, the easier is flows. and in this journey, i have gone to him more than ever. and therefore, he has filled me with a tremendous love for each of you. i want the best for each of you. i want you to have a relationship that fills you with love.....and from what i know, many of you do. it's that love that we all share with everyone in which others will see god IN you. you don't have to say a word about god to anyone, because others will SEE him in you if you "be love". it's hard, it's not what may come natural, but it works....it really works. the only reason i know is because of that gift i mentioned earlier that you all have given me...the power to love. i dare you to try it out as much as possible~ :)

Jeni Barbush

loveSTRONG ministries

Executive Director

www.lovestrongministries.com